Follow the main cinema links for dates, times and matinee screenings.
Follow the title links for movie details, friendship and maybe more.
Stray Dogs (12A) Kids try to get themselves arrested so they can join their mum in chokey.
Keane (15) Not, as you might expect, a drama about fat-faced, piano-lovin’ balladeers, this is actually the story of a mentalist looking for his missing daughter. Cheery stuff.
The Queen (12A) Helen Mirren manages to keep her clothes on, you say? Give the lady a Bafta!
History Boys (15) Teacher encourages lads to ditch full-time education and have lots of gay sex. Be warned though – by following that course of action you’ll inevitably end up working for the PRSD.
Johanna (15) A young female druggie cures the sick by offering them some rumpy-pumpy. Form an orderly queue, gentlemen.
Frozen Land (18) Darkly amusing fun set in Finland, land of dypsomania and suicide. What japes!
Casino Royale (12A) Featuring Daniel Craig getting whacked repeatedly in the bollocks by a sadistic torturer with a bit of rope. Another one for all the family then.
Little Children (15) Kate Winslet stars in this perceptive tale about the souring of ideals. Hey, that’s our specialist subject.
The Page Turner (15) We know this has something to do with someone failing a piano audition but that’s as far as we got with the synopsis before zoning out.
The Holiday (12A) Wifeswap chick flick from the person behind What Women Want. You don’t seriously need any more details than that, do you?!
The Big Lebowski (18) Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
Posted by Thin White Duke